"Come on, Kirst, hurry up," mum pleaded as I chose what flavour ice cream. It was a beautiful day, and my mouth was watering at the possibilities. "Strawberry and Cream, please," I said, staring up at her. The happiness in her eyes made my heart smile. It wasn't often I saw my mum truly happy, and one of the only places I witnessed it was at Devon. My grandmother owned a holiday home, and we'd use it every school break for the past twelve years. It quickly became my "happy place" from a very early age, and I hated leaving. As we walked along the stones at Sidmouth beach, I wondered what I wanted to do in the future. "You can do anything you want to, sweetie. Don't let anybody tell you different, okay?" She always knew what to say. I believed her, and I started to dream big. I knew I'd always have her support, no matter what. "You know, I really don't know what I'd do without you, Kirsty. Or Ellie. You're my shining stars, you know that, don't you?" she said as she looked out to onto the boats drifting along the calm water. I did know that. Me and my sister were her babies, she loved us with everything she had, and more. "Yes, Mummy, I know that." I leaned into her, resting my head on her shoulder. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I ever lost my mum.
The end of summer came around far too rapidly, and before I knew it the car was packed and we were off. My heart sank further into my stomach the further home we got. I didn't want to leave. "If you never leave, you can never come back, sweet," my mum used to say. I knew she was right, but her saying it didn't make me want to leave any more than I already did. We'd spent the whole summer holidays in Devon, and I'd had my most memorable one yet. It was just me, my mum and Ell's. Not Nanny Sue or Grandad Malc, just us three, as it usually was at home. It wasn't that our father had left when we were little, or anything like that. Our father was present more than my mum would of liked, let's just say that. He wasn't and isn't a horrible man. Although many may dispute that. However, I do know my dad isn't an evil, horrible man. He's just selfish and the only person he thinks of is unfortunately, himself. Which is why they argued. His selfishness took over in every aspect, and my mum wasn't happy any more. She told me that. I felt extreme sympathy for my mother, she was such a kind soul, she deserved the best.
What made that summer so special was the fact that she'd recently been diagnosed with Leukaemia. She'd been admitted to hospital, and undergone chemotherapy the previous year, and this was the first summer she felt well enough to take me and Ellie to Devon. She'd been in remission for nearly a whole year, and I had my mum back. The six months she was in hospital was the worst I'd ever had to face, and I was unbelievably glad and relived I had my mummy home. She was my everything, and I couldn't even think of what would be for me if she wasn't around. She loved us completely and I knew it.
We turned the corner into our drive four hours after leaving. "I hate this, I get such a horrible feeling when I drive down this road," mummy said. I didn't really understand, but from the way she said it I knew there was nothing I could say to make her feel any better. So I kept silent, I didn't want to make her feel bad, so I just reached across and put my hand on hers.
My first day of secondary school soon came around, and with many good-lucks and prayers from my Mum, I didn't have that much of a bad time. Not that I wasn't extremely relived to see her waiting for me in her green Land Rover in front of the entrance, because I was. More so than ever. Although it hadn't been terrible, I hadn't had the best of times either. I'd never been able to make friends as well as everybody else, and I automatically felt small and overwhelmed. "How was it, then?" mum said as I scrambled up into the passenger seat. "Okay" I mumbled. "I don't like one of the girls in my English class, she's a year older than me and she makes me feel stupid" She turned to face me, and I could see she was concerned. "It's okay though, I can stick up for myself mum." I'd always been picked on, throughout the whole of school up until now. Although, it hadn't completely stopped either. It was like people picked up on my vulnerability straight away, although I didn't have trouble making friends outside of school. It just didn't make sense to me. Either way, my Mum had always helped me when I felt like I was being bullied, and taught me to stick up for myself. She'd been my rock in every sense for as long as I could remember.
I'd been at secondary school for nearly two months when Mum got the call. I can remember it as if it was yesterday, and I can still remember the look on her face when the caller identified themselves. My heart did a million somersaults in that fraction of a second, and I automatically knew what was wrong. I knew what the person on the other end of the call was saying by the emotions that crossed my Mum's face. Her Leukaemia had returned. As soon as the call had ended, I saw her break down for first time. It destroyed me seeing her this way. "Are you going to die mummy?" I asked. "Kirsty, please don't say that. I'm going to fight this, again. Until the end. I don't plan on going anywhere." I wrapped my arms around her waist and felt her crying, which only made me squeeze tighter.
"I don't know what I'm going to do, mum. I don't know how I'm going to cope, I don't feel strong enough to beat this again. What if I don't make it to their sixteenth birthdays?" I overheard my mum talking to my nanny sue, she was crying again. Before now, I'd never really witnessed my Mum cry. I mean, I'd seen how unhappy she was but I'd never really seen her cry. However now, It was all she did. "Are you scared?" Ellie whispered. "No. Well, yes. I'm scared of her being away for so long again..But I'm not scared of her dying. She's going to be okay." The saddest thing for me to realise now, is that I genuinely believed she was going to be fine.
I had the biggest storm heading my way, and I didn't even realise it was beginning to rain.
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